Uncomfortable.

       Over the past month and at other times over the last couple of years I have found myself in a place of feeling like I'm not in the right place, not doing enough, not changing things like I want to, and being completely dissatisfied and uncomfortable with the state of my life, the church, and the world. (That was probably a run-on sentence. Who cares.) I read books, sing songs, and think things that stir up a fire in me so deep that I can't deny it. I want the world to know God! I want them to be woken up out of their sin and awakened to who God is and what could be. I want to change things- in my life, in the "church", in the world. I am re-reading the book my first blog post was about-Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne- and being convicted every day because I have so much when millions are dying from preventable causes. I can't shake the feeling that there's so much more I could be doing! I feel like what I'm doing right now isn't enough and it's driving me crazy.

     I know God doesn't expect to me to save the world singlehandedly. He's the one who does the saving anyway- I am just the vessel. I'm in a place of satisfaction in who God is and dissatisfaction with how I'm living it out. But what I am slowly but surely realizing is that God knows what He is doing with my life. As a matter of fact- He knew exactly what He was going to do with me, in me, and through me before the creation of the world. As long as I am earnestly seeking Him and following Him, He will lead me to where He wants me to be. I'm growing and learning right where I am. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be looking to move forward into what God has- but it does mean I need to live to the fullest and do the most where He has placed me for the time being. This Scripture has both assured and challenged me:

"For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable."  - Romans 11:29

He is giving me this passion for a purpose. All I have to do is trust Him. How simple. Thank You Jesus.

2010.

This year is going to be incredible. Why? Because I'm not going to sit around waiting for it to be. I don't want to live complacent, apathetic. This is the year to stand up and fight, to step out, to go deeper, to reach farther, to love better, to give more, to learn much and live right.

But this isn't just because the year changed to 2010. It's because that's the only way to truly live- the only way not to waste your life. I don't want to be another person who has sat back and "gone with the flow" or "let life happen." I want to live every moment of every day knowing why God has put me on this earth and seeking Him so I can learn how to fulfill that mission.

My dream is no longer to only have a nice house, nice car, a great husband, a few kids, and a salary that keeps us all comfortable. Not that there is anything wrong with most of that- I certainly do want a husband, kids, and a house someday. But God is calling each of us to something higher than the American dream- to His greater purpose to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." (Matt.28:19a)

I know this momentary excitement and energy to make changes in my life will fade. I'm not always going to wake up raring to go and ready to seize the day. Now that I think about it, I am not sure if I have ever woken up feeling that way! But without God none of this is possible. But with Him, all things are possible.